Don’t expect anything..

Someone once told me, “If you don’t expect anything, then you will never be disappointed.” Well that someone was also the one who made it clear that I could never expect anything from them, but somehow I still ended up disappointed. The funny thing is though…I’m not disappointed in anything that happened or what ‘could’ve been’, but more in the fact that being a decent human being wasn’t the route they chose. Is it really so hard to just simply be kind?

It’s so hard for me to trust anyone anymore. So many times I’ve given people the benefit of the doubt, defended them and hoped that I was doing the right thing, only to get hurt in the end. You would think I would have learned my lesson the first time around, but here we are again. Why is it so hard for people to just be truthful? I don’t get it..

“I have only one rule: give me truth, however cold or cruel or hard it is to hear. I would prefer to have my heart broken if it means I can release the hurt and move on, than waste a single moment of my time being fooled by a lie intended to preserve my feelings.”

–Beau Taplin

I know not everyone has the same mindset and morals. I just believe that if a person claims to be a certain way…they should be the way they claim. Don’t play games, don’t waste my time, and don’t lie. It’s pretty simple if you ask me. I’ve learned way too quickly that promises aren’t promises if they just come out as words. If your words were also actions than maybe believing them would be easier. It’s a sucky feeling to have someone say everything you want to hear, but as they say them all that runs through your mind is, “Lie. Lie. Lie.” The whole time you know it’s all lies, but you still try to force yourself to believe them. Were they all lies?

You ever get to a point where you would rather feel something than feel nothing at all? Even if what you’re feeling feels awful? Sometimes pain feels better than nothing. The pain is temporary though. The numbness comes back, the cold sets in, and you just go back to shutting out the world. It’s a revolving door that never stops spinning. You just suffer for trying to believe in the good, hoping for change, and letting yourself be vulnerable.

My mind is jaded, my heart is numb, and I’m tired. These familiar feelings tend to always come back no matter how hard I try to fight them off.  Sometimes it feels as if this is all it will be, as if truth will always be phony, and love will forever be counterfeit.

I don’t want to live cold; I just want to live safe. I want my heart to be safe. It’s terrible to think that the only way for it to stay safe, is to never give it away. Never let another in and you’ll never be hurt. So many feel this way because I hear it every day. So many people are afraid. Most people aren’t afraid of love, they want love more than anything else…they are afraid for love to end. They are afraid of the lies, afraid of being broken, afraid of being disappointed, afraid of the past repeating, afraid to let someone in, and afraid to be left alone all over again. We all are just tired of people leaving.